Saturday, August 4, 2012


I feel like such a hypocrite.  I speak with a positive outlook, but inside my head is yelling at me with negativity.  i tell my friends to stay positive... but am i taking my own advice?? Not really.  *sigh* I hope they will be there to spout it back at me when I fall on my face.  It's bound to happen.  Always does.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

I want...

I want to wake up without an alarm clock in my own bed on Lazy Mnt, to find Corbin has snuck in during the night and stole my pillow.  I want to giggle with him in bed while waiting for coffee to brew in the kitchen.  I want to make us a crazy large breakfast of all our favorites and eat in our pajamas while we watch cartoons.  Of course my dad would stop by and have some and visit with us.  :)  I want to get us dressed and out the door to meet my mom at work for her lunch break.  Bringing her, her favorite coffee from the purple moose.  I want to walk and visit with mom and grandma around the neighborhood... Grandma walking way too fast for my pregnant legs.  I want to take Corbin to bouncing bears and watch him having fun.  I want to go shopping at Carrs/Freddies and buy stuff to make tacos for dinner.  I want to have everything cooked and ready for TJ when he gets home for work.  I want to eat, play and laugh all night with just my boys.  I want to cuddle up on the couch with them and watch a movie or a tv show before bed. I want to read my son a story in our rocking chair, then tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight.  Then I want to crawl into bed with TJ and sleep cuddled up to his warmth.  His hand on my tummy feeling how hard little peanut is kicking now.  And then i want to fall asleep, and wake up and do it all over again.  *sigh*  66 more days.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Building my Identity as a Runner

I just finished reading "Run Like a Mother: How to Get Moving- and Not Lose Your Family, Job or Sanity" By Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea.  And let me tell you, it was amazing. I laughed, I cried, I related to the conent, I learned about running and about myself. 

These past few years of running I have been building my identity as a runner.  And I like thinking of it that way.   I'm really not sure what got me out there in the beginning.  What motivated me to start, but I'm sure thankful I did.  I've learned more about myself in the long miles of solitude than i could have ever hoped to learn anywhere else. 

I know being pregnant I cannot expect to go out and PR on any of my runs/races... but just being out there makes me proud of myself.  And I know I will get myself back to where i was- and even better.

My 2013 running goals:
1. Pass 2 mile Army PT test run by January
2. Run 3 to 5 times a week in the winter
3. Join the Valley Women's Running Team (March?)
4. Run 4 to 6 times a week in the summer
5. Colony Days 5K in 30min or less
6. Women's 5 miler in 50min or less
7. Train for a 10K and a Half- Run in August/September...

Don't forget this girl.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Pregnant women are so funny....

I'm 23 weeks and 6 days pregnant with baby #2, and i just ate an acceptable dinner that consisted of 2 strawberry muffins and 2 slices of toast with butter and red raspberry jam, chugged down with decaf iced tea.  (Maybe I should add a vegetable? Oh how I miss home cooked meals)

I sat at my computer all day at work, got off work early... to come "home" and sit in a different chair and stare at a different computer.  I had planned to go walking or something... but.... no.  I don't have a good excuse.  I'm being lazy today.  I did make this blog look pretty... and I found a new favorite website about running mommas. :)

The next race is June 17th.  It's a 10K.  I think I'll still sign up for it.  I don't know how much longer I can run, but I think one more is okay.  I'm reading a book "Run Like a Mother"  and it makes me cry. haha.  I think the sense of pride will always tear me up... baby in my belly or not.

I will try to post more often!  I feel like I've neglected you!  But not on purpose I swear. :)

Monday, March 19, 2012

March Madness

I've been thinking about updating my blog for so long now.  But everytime I sit down to do so... my mind goes blank.  What to write about?  My life is NOT that exciting, that the world of bloggers would want to read about it.  But alas, it has been too long... and it's time to give my readers (do I even have those??) an update.

1. I'm 13 weeks and 3 days pregnant... and finally showing some belly bump.  Annoyingly so.  Just looks like I had a really big lunch and haven't workout in a while.  But we all know the truth!! (I ran 3 miles this morning and had chicken with rice for lunch thankyouverymuch)
2. Names have been determined.  Girl: Autumn Dulany Sullivan, Boy: Trevor Jacobs Sullivan.  Both names are after my late Grandma Pollock.  Dulany was her middle name, and Jacobs was her Maiden name.  My Grandma was such an amazing person in my life... and I miss her kind words, smiles and hugs. 
3. We are coming down to the wire!!!  4 ish months left here... OMG... I'm so excited I may go back to my BOQ room and start packing.  (too early??)
4. WW3 Laurel VS Bugs is still in full swing.  I do believe I have the upper hand and may win the war.  we will see.
5. I love visitors... and it may be the most positive thing about being stationed in Hawaii... everyone wants to visit.  Julie was just here for the weekend, and Mom Tara and Corbin will be here in a matter of weeks!!!  I'm so thrilled. :)

Okay loyal followers... that is all that's happening in lalalaurel land. 
2 questions-

Should I run the Diva Half marathon in a couple of weeks? lol... hmm... and I'm saying yes because the metal is on a lei and the whole run is dedicated to strong women (which I consider myself to be)
Should I find out the sex of baby #2?  Tj and I have thought about not finding out... but I'm getting so excited!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentines Day is here... again

What a horrible holiday. Once a year Hallmark decides to "celebrate love" with cards, chocolate and candy. But mostly it's a popularity contest. If you work in an office... you walk around and see what girls got the "best" flowers... because obviously that means that their husbands love them more. Let's not even mention what it was like in middle/high school. bah. what a load of crap.

Am I being this way because I didn't get flowers this year?? MAYBE. Am I being this way because I'm an ocean away from my loved ones??? most likely.

But really. Flowers on Valentines day is nice... but it's one of those things that is expected. Don't you think flowers and a home made dinner on September 4th after a long day at work would mean more than flowers and chocolates on Valentines? I think this is a cop out holiday.

I did get TJ a present this year. He doesn't have it yet... but It's in the mail. He never reads my blog so I don't mind sharing. It's a photo album of us. Cheesy yes... but I think it's awesome. :) And I wish I could show everyone how good it turned out!! I made it on which is generally a really great site! BUT... they had a little shipping problem and TJ's book is JUST NOW (after ordering it in January) on the way to AK. ugh. Snapfish probably hates Valentines day as much as I do.

Pregnancy update:
5 Things I know for certain:
1. when asked "do you want some (insert food item here)" the answer is yes.. yes I do.
2. If you don't know where I am... I am either in the bathroom, or hiding taking a nap.
3. I may look just a little chubby/bloated... but I SWEAR it's because I'm pregnant.
4. I am 8 weeks and 4 days into this 40 week adventure
5. uh.. what was I doing?? (you thought i was a space cadet BEFORE... haha... )

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The good, the bad... and the pregnant

Well, I'm sure everyone knows the good news! 2 pink lines means I'll be a momma of 2 by October!  And I am EXCITED!  I found out on the morning of the 16th January.  :)  and if my calculations are correct, baby Sullivan will be born September 22. :)  My first appointment isn't until the beginning of February, so I'll keep you updated!  This is such great news!  this means I will be able to apply for the Masters program and have plenty of time to recover from my pregnancy before it begins! woo hoo!  But speaking of recovering... I will face challenges...

1. Gaining weight.  I know this is inevitable... but geeze, it almost took me 3 years to over come my pregnancy weight with Corbin... and I'm scared that'll happen again!  So... I vow to continue my workouts and eating right... throughout my pregnancy to make sure that this time it's different.
Starting weight: 185.4

2. Which brings me to running.  I love to run.  But I'm SO SLOW lately.  Even so early in my pregnancy... and I don't feel i should be.  But i think my goals just need to change.  How fast I run shouldn't be an issue... it's just getting out there and how i feel during.  i won't be setting any PRs... but I've decided to change it to "PPRs" or Pregnancy Personal Records... :) Feel free to use that. I've already signed up for 2 more races in Feb.

3. Now the issue of how long until I can't fly.  If you've forgotten... I live on an island!  I'm set to "REFRAD" on 31 AUG.  Now that's about at 37 weeks.  I don't think I'll be able to fly at that point.  So i either have to leave early... or stay here to have the baby!  I dunno what will happen.. we will see!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Standardized Testing.... A rant.

Yesterday I took the GRE.  A test that is my ticket into the masters degree program in Texas.  My entire application won't even be looked at unless I score high... so, the pressure is on!  I understand the need for tests like these... there has to be a way to weed applicants out.  BUT I hate the fact that i am being judged by one 4 hour block of my life.  This isn't really a test of smarts... more a test of how someone handles pressure, stress, the lack of water, and how awesome your day was THAT day. 

This is how the test goes:  They first make you sign in and write a paragraph in cursive!  what??  cursive??  I haven't written even my name in cursive since middle school.... I'm  pretty sure it's a dying art.  So right off the bat this isn't going well.  Then they put you thru a STRIP search. (empty your pockets and step thru this metal detector... is this really necessary??) Then after they've taken everything off my person, even my chap stick (like that's gonna help me cheat.) you go into a room and sit at a computer.  First thoughts of the room... florescent lighting??  ugh.  it's glaring off my scratch paper, and off my glasses... even off the computer screen.  AND the room is full of other nervous test takers (that are making weird noises... tap tap, cough cough, *SIGH* "clears throat... but god forbid we talk).  Talking isn't allowed... so there goes my usual "talk to yourself, to discuss answers" tactic (like I usually do while trying to be smart). 

Then comes the actual test.  6 timed sections... first 2 essays, then Math/English, Math/English, Math.  (cause these subjects predict my success in the Health care admin field very well) Anyways... the subject matter was fine.  Thank god for gum... because i was given several 1 minute breaks... but what can you do in 60 seconds??  not leave the room for a drink... or go to the bathroom... nothing.  so that's pointless.  Just pass right thru the break and keep trucking.  Half way thru you get a 10 min break.  So I leave the room and ask where the restroom is.  Where I'm informed that i have to be escorted there... WHAT?  am i in kindergarten again or something?  So i decide against a bathroom break.  oh well... I take a drink of my water.. get a new piece of gum, and go back in to knock out the second half of this god forbidden test. 

Now lets talk about my score.  Scoring has changed recently to a 130-170 scale for each section Essay, Math and English (which if I've done my math correctly that gives a possible of 510)... I need a 525 to get in my program.  wait... what?  i don't understand.  I must be missing something... cause a 525 on this grading scale is impossible!! 

in other words Standardized testing is fucking stressful and unnecessary.  Can you just look at my life and know that i will work my ass off to get my masters degree.  Don't these people know I'm mother fucking Laurel Sullivan (Pollock) and i do what I say and say what I'm gonna do?!  and at this point in time it's to get into your school and rock it.  And that's exactly what I plan to do... so don't let this GRE stop me from my dream. 


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I've jumped the gun...

Test results... Negative.  And i'm so dissapointed!!  I know I'm just testing too early.  But i wish it would show now if I'm pregnanat or not!!  i know it's a slim chance that over my 11 day stay at home I was able to get pregnant in the first place... so... Please keep my uterus in your thoughts!  If it didn't happen I don't think I'll be able to have a baby for another 3 years!  That's if everything goes a plan.  Reason: Free Masters Degree.  Starts August 2013 for 2 years down in Texas.  Active duty Army and they'd pay for school.  You can't tell me that you'd pass that up!  So the plan is to get pregnant now.  spend the majority of my pregnancy here in Hawaii, go home end of August... Baby would be due end of Sept/Oct time frame.  Have enough time to get in shape and pass a pt test.  Then move my little family down to Texas for our next great adventure!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

A tribute to 2011

It's a new year... Time to reflect on our accomplishments and make goals for the future. 


What a crazy year.  I started the year living in the Dolphin house and working at Chenega.  Same ole same ole.  Corbin was still going to Karen's house and TJ was still working Corrections. But a lot can happen in a year. 

In March I quit Chenga and I left for BOLC in Texas.  It was the first time I left my son for any length of time... but it was also an adventure of a lifetime.  I learned a lot, made friends that I'll keep forever... and I grew as a person.  Sometimes placing yourself outside of your comfort zone and outside of your "life" you find out who you really are.  And that's just what I did. 

I returned to Alaska at the end of May, a new me.  Happy, Determined, Confident... a runner... an appreciative and loving wife and mother, a dedicated officer and a strategist. (yes that's a word).  I had gotten a taste of success... and I wanted more.  I didn't want to waste my life checking IDs at a gate any longer.  It was time to act.

The offer for a year in Hawaii as a Medical OIC came shortly after I returned home.  I had to say yes.  Who turns that down??  This was my ticket out of my occupational slump.  Besides... I had quit my job... what else was I gonna do?  I spent the summer of 2011 moving into my late grandparent's house on Lazy Mountain, running, visiting with friends/family and trying to spend as much time with Corbin and TJ as possible.  August 22 was fast approaching.

The first bump in our road was Karen quitting as our baby sitter.  Any of you with children will agree that this was a tragedy.  She had watch Corbin for almost 2 years... and he loved her.  Finding a new place wasn't too hard... but Corbin adjusting to the new people would be the rough part.  We enrolled him in Nana's House Preschool, to start in September after I left for Hawaii.  This would turn out to be not so smart of us.

Leaving was such sorrow.  It was literally the hardest "see you later" I have ever experienced.  I was sobbing as I walked onto the plane.  Keeping it together was never my strong point.

I like to call my life in Hawaii as my "out of body life experience" and my "poor college kid" year. It feels fake.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into coming here.  The job is rewarding... but I am so so lonely.  Laurel Sullivan/Pollock not making friends??  Unheard of!!  Well anything is possible...

So I try and stay busy.  work/run/sleep... repeat.  so as you can imagine I'm the skinniest I've ever been... and have very sore feet.  Since June 2011, I've run 297.6 miles.  DAMN.  :)  tracking my miles makes me so happy, don't judge.

Hawaii visits:
Cody, Amber, Aunt Betty, Greg and kiddos- Cody's R n R from overseas. :) 
Dad, Mom, TJ and Corbin- Halloween, and best week of my Hawaii life!!
Robin- for thanksgiving!!  yay!
LT Burton- one Kayak trip... not enough time.
Linnea- a very short, action packed weekend of girl fun.

Thank god this is a beautiful place that people want to come visit.  But for me it is a Paradise Prison.

Meanwhile on the homefront... Corbin wasn't doing so good at the new day care while TJ worked his crazy hours.  We made a choice for him to quit and stay at home with Corbin (making me the LT Sugar Momma... and TJ, Mr. Bored Pants).  But it's working so far.  :)

My holiday visit home was the best 11 days of the entire 2011 year.  If you can imagine that. :)  It was so nice to be home with my family and friends for the holidays.  Even in the cold.  I didn't mind.  And I definitely didn't want to come back.  But alas... here I am.

2012.  I don't do new years resolutions... but I do make goals... always gotta have a goal.

241 days left to go.  I know I can do this.  Just keep busy.  run. work.  And skype as much as possible.  I'd like to run at least 500 miles this year.  very doable.  I'd like to learn as much as I can from this job so I can get a really nice Health Care admin position when I get back to AK.  Also, very doable. 

oh... and I might be pregnant.  so there's that.